I'm a little obsessive-compulsive. It's not like I have to wash my hands 30 times when I leave a room or count to 1,435 after each meal. But, I do have the strong urge to plan out every little detail of my life even when I know that God is really the one in control of my future. I'm not oblivious to the concept that God is the reason that either "my" plan works out or it doesn't but it doesn't stop me from making plans in order to point me in the direction I want to go.
In essence, I'm a goal driven person. I set a goal, I make a plan to reach that goal and hopefully in the end, I achieve that goal. Some people may think it's an admirable quality but I'm finding that it can sometimes be a pitfall of my personality. My entire life has been a journey working towards certain goals, all with a set plan in mind. And it's worked out well. I look back and realize that my elaborate plans to graduate high school, obtain a 4 year degree in 3, marry my best friend while still in college, get a day shift nursing job before graduation and move to a new city all worked out just perfectly.
And here I am, freaking out, wondering, "What's next?" All of sudden, things aren't so clear anymore. All of my well thought out plans have fizzled into a pile of uncertainty. I'm at a crossroad and I don't know which way to turn.
What I've found is that without a plan my life has been exposed to all sorts of fun and exciting options. No longer am I working towards one set goal. Now, I'm faced with the challenge of picking a path. It's been so long since I wasn't absolutely, positively, 100% sure of what I wanted my future to look like. So what do you do when you have several good options and an equal strong interest in a few of them?
Paul and I have spent many hours talking our multitude of options through. He's patiently sat there and listened to me tearfully over analyze every single possible option until we agree to call it a night with no conclusion made.
I've been desperately trying to make a plan that is sound and logical that screams responsible and mature. And after months of struggling with periodic unhappiness over my uncertain future, I'm slowly working towards a new plan. My new plan is to calm down, take a deep breath and take each day as it comes. And in my true obsessive compulsive nature, my plan is to not always have a plan. (A loop-hole of sorts, but it's a step) And if we make the wrong decision when decision time arrives I've decided to be ok with that, too. As hard as it is for me to admit, God really is the one in control and regardless of the good and bad decisions we make along the way, He'll provide for us where ever we end up. And hopefully with continual prayer and patience, God will point us in direction we need to go.
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| May the Bible give us peace in times of uncertainty |
Love and Happiness,
Bethany
Loved reading this!! I am good friends with Jennifer Nichols and she shared your blog with me. It fits me to a "T"!!!! Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed reading. I am 22, definitely a planner, married to my best friend, and finished with my teaching degree. My husband and I have had countless discussions on "what's next." It's nice to know there are other people in the same situation and a great reminder to put it in God's hands. Hang in there girl and keep your head up!! I also have a blog http://inspired-blessed-kala.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteif you would like to check it out. :) Jen is the one who inspired me to start it. She is a sweetie :) Thanks again!!
Thank you. This post was meant to remind myself of God's plan for all of us and I'm glad that you can connect with that,too! Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in all the stresses in life and forget to be thankful.
DeleteAlso, I read a couple of your blog posts, too! They are wonderful! Good luck with everything!