Sometimes I Cry...

After a long day of work, I sometimes cry. I get to my car, take a deep breath and break down.   


Sometimes it's because the stress of the day has taken it's toll on my soul and all I know to do is cry. There are 12 hours in my workday and when it's all said and done, everything that I've tried so hard to hold in has to be let out. 


Sometimes I cry because I'm sad. Sad for my sickest patients and their sweet families. I cry for the cancer-ridden man who looks at me with tears in his eyes as he tells me all he wants is the pain to go away. I cry for the families who have to say their final good-byes to their loved ones. I cry and I pray for them. 


I cry because I've seen the hardships in others lives. It's easy to forget how lucky you are until you are forced to see how others live. Homelessness, abusive family dynamics and families destroyed by drugs and alcohol. It really has changed me. And while some find it easy to judge others in bad situations, I now have immense sympathy for those whose lives aren't quite what is the social norm or politically correct. 


Not all tears are bad. Other times I cry because I'm happy. I'm happy to see the 80-something year old couple, one in the hospital and one scooting with his walker to visit, who are still madly in love. I cry for the good news my patient receives after waiting for potentially life changing results. I cry because somewhere along the way I know I made a difference in someone's life. 


So, I cry a lot I suppose. But that's who I am and that's what I do. I wear my heart on my sleeve and give a part of myself to every single one of my patients. I am a nurse. My job is full of ups and downs, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. In a single day I am often happy and sad, proud and disappointed, pleased and angry and complimented and offended. Now, with all of those emotions and constant conflicts within myself, who can blame me for a good cry now and then?


Love and Happiness, 
Bethany